


Facing Shadows

by xannish



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Gen, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 02:12:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xannish/pseuds/xannish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naoto didn’t talk about that night. </p>
<p>Which was normal, Kanji guessed. None of them talked about the things that everyone had seen in the TV world, when they’d confronted their Shadows, mastered their Personas. Been saved, each of them, by Souji Seta and the others. It wasn’t the kind of thing you <i>could</i> talk about. Everyone had seen and heard it all anyway, and that’s why they were your friends, now, even if you didn’t really know each other before. They’d seen your darkest secret and accepted you anyway. And wasn’t that what friendship was?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facing Shadows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkSeraphim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSeraphim/gifts).



Naoto didn’t talk about that night.

Which was normal, Kanji guessed. None of them talked about the things that everyone had seen in the TV world, when they’d confronted their Shadows, mastered their Personas. Been saved, each of them, by Souji Seta and the others. It wasn’t the kind of thing you _could_ talk about. Everyone had seen and heard it all anyway, and that’s why they  
were your friends, now, even if you didn’t really know each other before. They’d seen your darkest secret and accepted you anyway. And wasn’t that what friendship was?

And, yeah. Kanji knew, that acceptance wasn’t perfect. Sometimes they used that shit against you. In Kanji’s case, he didn’t think there’d been a day since then that Yosuke hadn’t found some kind of stupid fucking comment to make, and it was only his respect for his sempai that had kept him from punching the jerk’s face in. Or at least threatening to. Just scaring him a little wouldn’t hurt, right?

But Naoto… Well, Naoto was quiet before. He didn’t say anything that wasn’t necessary. And Kanji liked that about him. He got to the point, cut through the shit. Didn’t take anything from anyone. And man, his brain. The kid was a genius. But quiet. Yeah. Quiet. But since that night, he’d… Well, Naoto _hadn’t_ changed, was the thing. Naoto  
pretended like nothing had happened, even when Kanji could see how uncomfortable he was with the things that sometimes got said. 

“He.” Kanji couldn’t stop thinking of him as a boy, especially since Naoto insisted on continuing to present as masculine as he had before. And why not? Let him do whatever the fuck he wanted.

When activities needed them divided up by gender, Naoto tended to be absent. He was absent a lot anyway, at least when it came to their social outings, and his excuses were always related to things he needed to do to crack the case. It should’ve made them all feel like slackers, or at least made people offer to help out, but no one ever did, beyond what was polite. Until the afternoon that Kanji decided he was going to take the initiative, and decided he was going to figure out where it was that Naoto went.

Kanji found him down by the lake, staring into the water, his knees pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped around them, knuckles white with the strength of his grip on himself. His bag was beside him, books and papers spilling out, uncharacteristically messy for the organized Boy Detective.

Kanji started to head towards him, but then stopped—maybe he wanted to be alone?

His indecision was answered when Naoto moved, forcing himself to relax, but not looking up. “Good afternoon, Tatsumi-san. Is there something that you need?”

“Uh… Hey. No. I was just wondering where you’d gone. What’s up? You okay?”

Naoto signed and finally looked up. His eyes were red, probably from crying, but there was no sign of tears now. “Yes. I am fine.”

Kanji clenched his fists at his side, shifting his weight back and forth between his legs. “You sure?”

Naoto raised an eyebrow. “Of course I am. Why would I not be fine, having a very private secret spread about the school and town like a wildfire? What would possibly upset me about those who profess to being my friends spearheading the crusade to undo every ounce of credibility I had built for myself?”

Kanji opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped. “The fuck am I supposed to say to that? Of course you’re gonna be upset. It’s fucked up that people talked about that kind of shit, but that’s just what people do.” He moved closer, and sat down next to Naoto, a few feet away on the shore.

“Is it ‘just what people do.’” It was a statement. The question came after, with the little detectives fierce eyes focused piercingly on Kanji. “Did you?”

“What?! No! Your business is your business.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Anyway, who’s going to listen to me? Those assholes are the only people who really talk to me these days.”

“Hm,” Naoto replied, still watching him appraisingly.

"I think it's bullshit that everybody has to think that shit about you, or treat you different. Nothing's changed. So what if you've got... got..." Kanji blushed.

"Female reproductive organs? Two X chromosomes?" Naoto offered.

Kanji mumbled something incomprehensible.

"They have every right to," Naoto replied bitterly, looking away, back to the water. "It's my destiny, my cage."

"That's bullshit too. Hey, listen to me." He moved closer and reached down to cup Naoto’s chin, turning the younger student's face towards him. "Don't talk like that. You can be whatever the fuck you want to be. Nobody's got to live a life they don't want to just because that's how they're born. What the fuck do you think this modern free society is about?!"

Naoto chuckled. "I think it isn't as free as you wish that it could be, and you know that. We are bound by our families, our traditions--"

"Yeah, so you keep the family that accepts you and fuck whoever else. And fuck tradition." He was fuming, now, gritting his teeth.

"No matter how much you argue, I am never going to be a man in many people's eyes."

"Fuck that. No one can tell you what being a man is but you. You say you're a man, and you are one in my book. Anyone says otherwise can answer to my fist." Kanji raised one threateningly, a dangerous grin on his face.

Naoto smiled slightly and took Kanji’s large fist in his two smaller hands. "I appreciate the offer, but I do not need anyone to defend me."

"I'm just standing by my friend, you know?" But he didn't take his hand out of Naoto's, instead opening his palm, and bringing his other hand to cup one of the other boy's.

"I don't believe I have ever had anyone so enthusiastically express intent to defend my honor. Or defend my honor at all."

"Yeah, like I said, fuck everyone else. I'm your friend. It's what friends do."

Naoto's wry smile widened, but didn't shake the cynical edge. "In that case, I suppose you may just be my first."

Kanji sputtered, flustered again, until his face resolved into a scowl. “Yeah, well, quality over quantity, right?”

Naoto’s smile softened into something more genuine. “Right.” He paused, eyes searching Kanji’s.

“You know, I almost thought that you might be happy to learn about my gender.”

Kanji was taken aback. “Huh? Why?”

“Because I’ve seen the way that you look at me.”

“W-what?! What do you mean by that?”

Naoto’s gaze was level, undeterred. “I’m aware that you’re attracted to me.”

Kanji felt his face burning, and looked away. “So what if I am?”

Naoto remained silent, and Kanji snuck a peek back at him, worried what reaction he had. Naoto was watching him, still curious, face unreadable.

Kanji licked his lips, and took a deep breath. “Look, we all had to face the stuff about ourselves we didn’t want to. Sempai and the guys kicked my Shadow’s ass , too, but what they saw…” He glanced away. “Well, maybe I’m not as much of a man as I should be either.”

“I had wondered if something of the sort was the case.”

“Well, it is. You’re not going to judge me too, are you?”

“It would be highly hypocritical of me if I did.”

“So…” Kanji swallowed. “What do you think about it?”

“I’m flattered.”

It wasn’t exactly the answer Kanji wanted. But of course it wouldn’t be. Naoto was a boy, wasn’t he? He’d want a girlfriend someday. Kanji struggled not to picture that—Naoto and Chie, maybe, or even Rise. He felt the familiar fire of blush creep across his cheeks. “Y-yeah. Thanks. Can you like, keep it quiet?”

“If you wish,” the boy detective replied evenly. “Though it may not be easy within the group.”

“Great,” Kanji muttered. “Why’s that?” He didn’t want to picture what Yosuke would do with that. On the bright side, he would probably keep thinking of Naoto as a girl no matter what. On the other, Kanji wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t still use it to tease Kanji about his sexuality. Souji-sempai would HAVE to forgive Kanji for punching him in that case, right?

“Because if we are working very closely with these people to solve the ongoing case, I am not certain that we should or could keep reciprocal affection a secret for long.”

Kanji’s thoughts were still spinning, and it took him a minute to catch up with what Naoto had said. “Reciprocal?”

It was Naoto’s turn to reach out, putting a hand on Kanji’s knee. “Reciprocal. Returned.”

“Yeah, I know what the word means. But…”

“I like the way you look at me. I like that you want to come to my defense—and that you seem to see me how I want to be seen myself. And I like you.”

“Oh.” Kanji’s heart was pounding in his ears, too floored to articulate anything other than, “Good.”

“Are you comfortable with pursuing... some kind of relationship, even knowing that criticism may fall upon both of us?”

Kanji scooped Naoto’s hand into his own and squeezed it, a grin spreading across his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. After all, this just plays in to what we’re learning from Sempai, right?”

“Oh?” Naoto raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. It’s always easier to face your shadows with someone you care about at your side.”

Naoto smiled, and squeezed his hand back. “So it is.”


End file.
